Catch up

I was having a rough evening yesterday. As usual I started to numb it out by pulling up pictures of all my friends' weddings, their babies' pictures, and their political preferences. After a few minutes of Facebook I realized I was truly 100% bored.

It was then that I remembered...

I HAVE A BLOG! I'm better than this!

So instead of writing a post, I decided to read through all my old ones. I cringed occasionally at my writing in some... laughed out loud in others (because I had forgotten what I'd written and I found myself genuinely funny!), and introspective for most of them.

Who am I?

Am I the funny person that everyone loves being friends with because they know they'll always have a good laugh?

Am I a shoulder to cry on?

Am I inspiring to others?

To be truthful -- I have always said I use my humor and easy going style to bring others to Christ and to genuinely love people. But I've found that to be mostly lip service recently. I WANT people to like me. I want them to find me funny. I want people to say, "Amanda really helped me with ______." I want recognition.

I'm not sure when this switch was flipped, but the past week it's really been bothering me. Among other things. You know, like waking up at 4:45 AM. That's bothered me too.

There's a genuine part of me that wants to reach out to others in a deep way. To be a real part of their life and for them to be a real part of mine. But I'm wanting to refocus that to what it should be. I had a beautiful talk with one of my friends today where I poured out my heart and she didn't just brush it aside. That was then followed by another talk that was meaningful and uplifting to my soul with another friend. And I wanted them to love Jesus more as a result of our conversations. I didn't want to gain anything for myself in those moments.

I know this was a pretty heavy "HEY! Welcome back to reading my blog!" but I've been going through a lot of transitions lately. I've been learning how to forgive past hurts I didn't even know I was bitter about. God's been reaching out to my soul very actively and I'm wanting to respond to that.

So if I've ever given you advice... first of all, I hope it was good... and if it WAS good-- praise God. Really, take a moment right now and thank Him that He used me. I have no wisdom of my own. If it was terrible advice, I'm genuinely sorry about that. We can still be friends, just don't ask me for advice anymore. Deal?

I'll have a more happy update later, because it felt good to use this outlet again in expressing my thoughts and emotions.

Janelle,
You're welcome. ;)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fire Drill...?

Image
Fair warning: This is a long post. Take two days to read it if you're overwhelmed. If you're procrastinating, definitely take some time to read it now. :) Wednesday morning started out just like any other day at Weimar. But at lunchtime, we got a surprise!!! An Obermiller visit!! Accompanied by Kasee, Ipo, and... and... Oh no. I forgot his name. I know his last name is Hyde! After eating and socializing, we went outside and saw..... THIS! Okay maybe we didn't see this particularly. This was just across the street. But we did see this: Smoke was billowing, "Prepare to evacuate!" was ringing across campus. Mothers were scooping up crying children and running to their homes to pack their most important things (Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories--true story) and college students jumping in the air rejoicing their good fortune (Psychology class isn't a favorite I guess...?) at classes being cancelled. Animals are being loaded into their cages a
Read more

The Problem with All or Nothing

Image
Are you familiar with Cognitive Distortions? If not, you should be. Understanding them may greatly impact your life for the better. One of my strongest distortions is All or Nothing thinking. I'm coming to realize that this invades every area of my life. - Job Tasks - Hobbies - Spiritual Convictions - Reading Books (I have read through an entire series of books in 2-3 days. Pages and pages of information. Done. Because I had to finish the series. It's a problem.) - Relationships - Food - Facebook While I'd love to discuss and throw around ideas about all of these areas, the one I'm most hit with right now is actually..... Facebook! I deleted my profile (Completely deleted it, like, gone gone. No re-active life for me) in July of 2012 and was FB free for 2+ years. Why? There were many reasons. But in August (I think?) of this year I decided to open it up again because I was moving to Spokane in January and wanted to keep in touch with several friends that
Read more

Health Update

Image
Something I've decided to do (as of last night) is to let you follow in my Health adventure. While we're learning how to help other people to reach their health goals, we ourselves are encouraged to reach our health goals. I'm going to post my original stats and then at week 8 I'll post an update. In the meantime, I'll let you know what exactly I've been doing to reach those goals. If you would prefer me to tell funny stories to make reading this new train of thought easier and more enjoyable, then I shall. Today we walked 3 miles from 6-7 AM and ate a hearty breakfast with lots of fruit and beans. Yup. Beans. They put beans in everything here. The gravy, Sloppy Joes, the oatmeal... just kidding. Not the oatmeal. But they sure do love the beans here! While on the walk, I felt it would be easier to roll down the trail as opposed to just walking. Didn't turn out so well. -_- In addition to breakfast, we eat once more at 1:00 PM and that's it for the
Read more